Minnesota Timberwolves rookie Jarrett Culver is adjusting nicely to the pace of professional basketball.
The 20-year-old's best game was his most recent: 15 points, seven assists, and no turnovers in 30 minutes in a loss to the Memphis Grizzlies, which also marked Culver's first NBA start.
Imagine what the youngster could've accomplished if the guy could just down a decent plate of scrambled eggs.
A couple weeks back we wrote about the Timberwolves' sophisticated nutrition scheme, one that paired celeb chefs Andrew Zimmern and Gavin Kaysen with scientific jargon about "complex data" and "physiological needs."
As ESPN reported in similarly unappetizing terms, the Wolves are eating "the league's first load-based nutrition plan." As Minnesota's calorie-crunchers are learning from the young Culver, all the science in the world is no match for mom's home cooking.
Regina Culver's scrambled eggs recipe, the one Jarrett grew up on, calls for whole milk "to make them fluffy," and a "heaping spoonful of salted butter," and if you're nodding along at those suggestions, you might have, at some moment in your life, experienced pleasure.
As Timberwolves team chef Ryan Stechschulte tells ESPN (emphasis ours, grounds for human rights violation his): "Right now we are a butter-free kitchen."
Somehow we doubt he operated under the same constraints while a sous chef at Kaysen's acclaimed Spoon & Stable. Stechschulte, who says the team's considering relenting on its butter prohibition, doesn't state just what they've tried to take the place of Mrs. Culver's fatty dairy products.Turns out it doesn't matter.
In a fascinating twist, Culver doesn't just want his eggs buttery. He needs them that way. Team docs found the youngster from Texas' body has a "mild reaction" to eggs... unless they're prepared with "butter or milk or other things."
Guys, guys. It's butter and milk. Was no one paying attention to Mama Culver?