My bologna has a first name, it's "let-me-drive-that-car"
My bologna has a second name, it's "drive-that-hot-dog-far"
Perhaps these are the lyrics that pop into your head every time you see the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.
Perhaps the lyrics that pop into your head are instead those that are actually about Oscar Mayer wieners, and how that is what you'd truly like to be, on account of it would make everyone fall in love with you.
Either way, if you've ever seen the glorious mobile meat tube and thought, "Boy, I'd sure consider leaving my life behind and driving that thing across the country," you're in luck. Oscar Mayer is currently looking for new folks to serve as "Hotdoggers," who ferry the Wienermobile to TV appearances, charity functions, military visits, and more.
"Want a job you can relish?" the listing begins. It goes on to explain that the one-year position will find you traveling coast to coast and serving as a "goodwill ambassador" for the brand. They're looking for someone with a B.A. or B.S. in a field like journalism, marketing, communications, PR, or advertising, though it's not necessarily a deal-breaker if you studied animal science or something.
The benefits—here, they are of course referred to as "condiments"—include a competitive salary and benefits, plenty of travel, the opportunity to be self-managed, and the obvious: You get to drive a fucking hot dog around and will be paid to do so.
The job's 100 percent travel, and if you know how to say "Hotdogger" en Español, even better: They're keen to get bilingual applicants in the mix.
Think you "cut the mustard?" (Again, their weenie wordplay, not ours.)
If you're "outgoing, creative, friendly, [and] enthusiastic," with "a big appetite for adventure" (and also a college degree), you can send your application via mail to:
An: Hotdogger Position
560 E Verona Ave
Verona, WI 53593
Or, go digital, and email firstname.lastname@example.org.
They're accepting resumes through January 31, and you can find all the info here.