If you're a regular participant in the local Twitter scene, you 1) already know what's coming in this blog post and 2) should probably explore healthier hobbies.
On the other hand, if for some reason you don't spend valuable seconds of every few minutes checking for new notifications or DMs on maybe the worst website/app/timesuck ever invented, you might've missed a tweet Kevin Gallatin posted Friday morning.
Gallatin, an Army veteran and St. Paul resident whose account often features news or thoughts about public transportation and pedestrian or bicycle advocacy, decided to challenge friends and followers. What, he wondered, is the thing that is least Minnesotan about them? What's the habit, taste, or trait that should pretty much get them kicked out of this glorious place via an official decree of Gov. Tim Walz?
Destroy your Minnesota credibility in one tweet.— Kevin Gallatin ��️ (@KevinGallatin) June 21, 2019
I'll go first. I've never been to the Boundary Waters.
As of this morning, Gallatin's tweet (which he's wisely pinned to the top of his account) has been replied to 1,700-some times. That's a lot. Let's look at some of the replies, starting with Gallatin's own, which, coupled with the original, means our new friend Kevin has absolutely wrecked his reputation with lovers of the outdoors AND the local music scene.
I've also never been to First Avenue.— Kevin Gallatin ��️ (@KevinGallatin) June 21, 2019
Such bravery is to be admired. These are dark times for anyone who isn't "#doingthemost," "#killingit," or trying to "#breaktheinternet." (Seriously, if anyone could do that last one it might be worth trying. Let us know.)
As oft-tweeted phrases, Gallatin's tweets and their many, many responses would probably fall under the umbrella of "keeping it 100," so maybe this level of self-exposure is so uncool that it's actually cool.
Examining such an inquiry and its replies raises a question of its own: Is the arc of "I'm Not Cool" Local Twitter™ so long and twisted that it eventually connects with "I'm Cool" Local Twitter™?
It's a difficult concept to consider, especially since it doesn't matter or mean anything.
Anyway. Here are some tweets about the expectations put upon Minnesotans. Take comfort in them, and please share your own state-based shortcomings with fellow citizens. We all make mistakes, we all have our flaws. Living here isn't one of them.
There IS such a thing as bad weather.— Jennifer Brooks (@stribrooks) June 21, 2019
I’ve never had SPAM and I hate lutefisk. I’ll show myself out now...— Cathy Wurzer (@CathyWurzer) June 22, 2019
Worst choice on the menu is always the walleye. And it’s called soda. And tater tots do not belong on adult plates.— Lana S. (@somuchweirdness) June 21, 2019
The name of the game is Duck Duck Goose.— Hubert H. Hellhound (@HoundLizzy) June 22, 2019
When you park you better ride that bumper in front of you AND the one behind you... https://t.co/wZAlNIfbIT— FredMelo, Reporter (@FrederickMelo) June 21, 2019
I met/interviewed both Bud Grant and Herb Brooks and didn’t know/care about either.— Maria Reeve (@mdougreeve) June 22, 2019
Mosquitoes are kind of beautiful when you think about it— Tony Webster (@webster) June 21, 2019
I dance with abandon at live music events ����— Hayley MJ (@haymaymj) June 21, 2019
If food is tasty, you better believe that I will take the last piece.— Maria Langholz (@MariaLangholz) June 21, 2019
I really don't care which state has the highest voter turnout.— Peter Callaghan (@CallaghanPeter) June 21, 2019
I don’t care where you (or anyone) went to high school.— Martha Faust (@MarthaEFaust) June 21, 2019
I know how to zipper merge.— Senthil Rajasekharan (@sprcmdysenthil) June 21, 2019
Hotdish is not good.— SlowBreak (@AverageJer) June 21, 2019
A regular cheeseburger is significantly better than a juicy lucy— erin, duchess of whales (@actuallyerin) June 21, 2019
I’m not really passive aggressive.— ✨Leslie Simone ✨ (@LeslieSimone_) June 21, 2019
French fries > tater tots.— Rachel Brougham (@RachelBrougham) June 21, 2019
I eat the last piece of food.
I invite people to my house.
There are so many more! Literally 1,700-some. They can be found here. Feel free to join this cred-killing tweet party. It's judgment day. Stop hiding, coward, and turn yourself in to the authorities—by which, strangely, and with not a small amount of remorse, we mean: Twitter.