"It keeps the riff raff out."
This is what some Minnesotans tell themselves about our brutal and unforgiving winters, acts of God we endure year after year for some reason, convincing ourselves it wasn't that bad, and that if you'd been around for the great storm of [insert favorite, most-hated winter year here] you'd really know what's painful.
Last year it snowed in April -- April! -- an event Prince warned us about, and yet we still freaked out about a measly... [checks notes] foot-plus of snow in a month when people in other places are thinking about baseball, golf, beaches, and patios.
What the hell are we doing here?
It's unclear. But the honest truth is the snow isn't keeping the riff-raff out of Minnesota; it's bringing out the inner ruffians in Minnesotans. You know you love hating this, love getting up and eyeballing the snowfall and thinking about shoveling or snow-plowing, navigating iced-over sidewalks, and complaining.
Schools are canceled in Minneapolis and St. Paul today, and you can guarantee some teachers and parents woke up and looked outside and thought "Eh, doesn't look so bad to me. I've seen worse."
Above, consider a photo taken in Minneapolis traffic this morning by a local resident who has asked City Pages to refer to him as "Rude Burud."
The image depicts a vanity license plate that pretty well sums up what's on everyone's mind this morning. And further down, consider a song by a local lyricist that pretty well sums up why you live here -- moved here, even, in many cases!
Admit it: You kinda love this awful shit. And if you think about saying a single word about how bad the weather is? Consider that other places have it worse in a lot of ways, and that this might be the best place in the country, and there ain't a damn thing you can do about the weather except curse its condition.
Yeah, it sucks.